"I think I can see my dignity from here....nope. That's a homeless man's hairy butthole."
So here's what I decided. Instead of having a weekly Fun Bag(s), I'm going to wait until I get enough emails and just fire one out every so often. It seems as if the honeymoon period of Fun Bag(s) Friday is over and people are starting to get bored of it. Maybe if the hundreds of people who have promised me emails would get off their lazy asses and send me something we could make this happen. And maybe Ron Artest can learn to operate as a normal human from this planet. And don't give me this "but I don't want to send you a stupid question" bullshit. Christ...look at G$! Has he sent an intelligent question yet? Fuck no he hasn't and he emails me every week. I don't give a shit if you ask me what my farts taste like...just send something. Chances are I'm going to make fun of you either way. Because that's what I do. Even Andrew still emails me and I've ripped on his home country Canada without mercy in the past. It's why I like him and hate all of the rest of you shitbags. Now...some random shit.
-I fuckin hate baseball. But I love misery. This is the only reason I even remotely stay alert with what's happening in the baseball world. Also, it's either baseball, golf or tennis at this point and I would rather let someone fuck my dickhole than watch tennis or golf. Indians fans are the most hilarious creatures on the planet. I swear to God I'm going to put my unborn children through college off the horrific wagers Indians fans insist on making with me. I don't know fuck-all about baseball. I'll freely and proudly admit that. But even in my limited knowledge, I'm smart enough to know that a (insert any number here) game lead 2 months into the season means jack fuckin shit. It slays me that rabid Indians fans never seem to fully grasp that concept. That's when I swoop in and pillage. It's like a hardcore looting session during an apocalyptic event minus the mass rape. So a special thank you to all you Indians fans out there for being self blinded from the truth. My wallet appreciates it. But don't worry. Rest assured by the All-Star break none of you will care about baseball anyway when the Indians are ten games out of first.
-Apparently Terrell Owens tore an ACL sometime in the last week most likely while doing something incredibly dumb. Good. Fuck that guy. I hope he's done or spends the next 5 years rotting away in some professional league no one gives a fuck about. I don't give a shit how great he was on the field. Football is better without him. Now he can go concentrate on his budding reality star career that will surely put him in the same conversation with the Kardashian sisters. That's great company if you want to be lumped in with a bunch of semi-retarded, thunder thighed, cock thirsty, diseased ridden parasites who would probably bleed from the eye sockets if you gave them a math problem a 3rd grader could solve in twelve seconds. Go ask your frog faced dad for more money you fucking ingrates...that is unless he's spent it all in his never ending quest to appear completely constructed out of plastic. On second thought, this is a perfect second career for TO. He was born to beg for attention while whoring himself out to brain dead wastoids soaking up every last ounce of stupidity he has to offer. Maybe you can drag Chad Ochofuckface in there with you so we aren't forced to listen to him blab about how he's the greatest WR to ever live. Morons.
-The NBA draft was quite the interesting event. I don't care what anyone says...this draft had horrible talent in it this year. Keep trying to convince yourself otherwise to sleep better at night, but the rest of America knows the truth. When Jimmer is a lottery pick, you know times are desperate. Piggy backing off dumbass Indians fans, I've really enjoyed listening to Cavs fans attempting to talk themselves into the Kyrie Irving/Tristan Thompson era. You gotta love wasting the 4th overall pick on a guy who's ceiling is a lazy version of Tyrus Thomas. Thompson might be 60 pounds overweight and unable to locate his own dick by the time the NBA lockout ends. Keeping my fingers crossed for that one. Irving may turn out to be a stud, but he also may turn out to suck dick for drugs on street corners in five years like the rest of the point guards Duke has put into the NBA. Regardless, it was a dumb draft by Cleveland when you A) didn't need a PG and B) could have drafted a PG in Brandon Knight (who many scouts said will be just as good if not better than Irving) with the 4th pick instead of using the 4th for a guy who shoots worse than Ben Wallace from the free throw line. Why not take Derrick Williams with the first pick, then if you're dead set on a PG take Knight at 4? Does that not make entirely more sense than what Cleveland did? This further strengthens my argument that I am smarter than Dan Gilbert.
That's all I got. Before I go, here's another idea that will surely get shot down and will not work. If you have a topic you would like me to write about, you can also send that to my email address as well. Since this is the worst time of year for sports, I'm up for just about anything to keep my mind occupied. There. You can go back to your Dukes of Hazzard marathon...or whatever it is you fuckers watch.
Send all emails to jared_vanausdale@yahoo.com
Cavs:
ReplyDelete1. Right now, the draft looks/looked weak but I'm not going to write it off as the worst until these guys actually play (especially the Euros). Maybe it's worse than 2000, but I HIGHLY doubt that.
2. We didn't need a point guard? This coming from the guy who believes that Baron Davis is half human/half gravy boat? This just in...the Cavs need upgrades EVERYWHERE.
3. I've heard Chris Grant say numerous times that Kyrie was #1 on their board and no one else was even close. Maybe Derrick Williams turns out to be a stud (not likely in Minny), but I have to trust the front office and the scouts on this one.
4. How were they to know that Knight was going to be there at 4 exactly? This organization didn't know that #6 was leaving so clearly they don't have a crystal ball. All signs pointed to the Jazz taking him. What a dumb argument.
5. The lazy version of Tyrus Thomas IS Tyrus Thomas.
6. In a "horrible" draft, what is exactly wrong with taking a Ben Wallace-type at 4 if you don't rate anyone else better?
You just got served. I just fucked your dickhole hard.
--G$
1. You're just trying to talk yourself into the talent of this draft because your team had the 1 and 4. I remind you...Jimmer was a lottery pick and 4 foreign players none of which named Dirk went in the top 10. Rotten.
ReplyDelete2. Razor Ramon Sessions is a decent PG...but you're right about Davis. He's very gooey. But Sessions never had a chance because of the hype of some Duke guy who has 11 college games under his belt against mostly scrub D1 teams.
3. At one point Darko Milicic was #2 on Joe Dumars board. My point is people are very capable of blowing it when it comes to evaluating talent.
4. So you take Williams at 1, Irving goes 2, Knight goes 3 and you still get Kantur at 4. If Kantur goes 3 still then you take Knight at 4. Worst case you end up with Davis/Sessions at PG and build around Williams/Kantur. Smarter and you get better talent.
5. Read Thompsons weaknesses and you'll see why I made the comparison. You might puke.
6. Its wrong because you didn't maximize the talent that was available with having 2 of the first 4 picks. You drafted a guy at 4 who was projected to go 8-10 and who has zero offensive game. If you were looking to draft Ben Wallace at 4 you should've went with Biyombo.
I could do Gilbert's job as a part time gig.
Here's the thing:
ReplyDeleteYes, Sessions is capable. But he is the kind of guy that plays for a decade on nothing but teams that win 30 games.
I'm trying to talk myself into these guys because they ARE MY GUYS NOW!
They think that Hickson and Thompson can play together. OK, we'll have to wait and see I guess. I don't really know if that's true but like 99% of America, I have never really watched Tristan play.
I would bet that Derrick Williams is the most overrated player in this draft. Since the Cavs will be in the lottery again next year (and maybe can trade Sessions/JJ/Andy to get in there twice), there are at least 5-6 better forwards than Williams. Go look at next year's mocks. The talent is going to be insane. So I won't really judge this class until after next year's draft.
That all being said, Harrison Barnes really fucked us. He would have been #1.
--G$
Playing 11 games is irrelevant, and shouldn't have even been a point in your argument. If it wasn't for the NBA's tardbox rules of having to wait a year, Irving would have been a top 5 pick last year without having played 1 game in college. It's not just Cavs scouts that are saying this guy is the ONLY can't miss guy in the draft. Christ, that's all every analyst said at the draft. The problem with drafting Williams with the number 1 pick is you don't know where he's going to play in the NBA. He may be a stud, he may be a bust, and right now nobody knows what position he's going to play. Power forward/small forward?? At least with Irving, there is no experimenting or flip flopping positions, he's a point guard. Done, end of story. Whether he's a flop or not remains to be seen. If the Cavs want to get back to the playoffs and be a contender, they don't have time to sit there and dick around with who's gonna play where.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the Cavs whole team is trade bait. At first, I was a little dissapointed they didn't make any moves but after thinking about it...Why not wait 1 year, when the draft is full of studs and make a shitload of moves. Or snag some players and draft picks at the deadline this year? And you know Gilbert will do so. As per the email that I sent you, Dan Gilbert and the Cavs, have gotten 1 of the top 5 free agents, that didn't resign with their teams, in all but 2 years (and 1 of them was Lebrons first) that Lebron was with the team. Do not sit there and say that you could do a better job than Gilbert. The common denominator was Lebron. Say what you want, but Pat Riley just put 2 all-stars (1 of which is probably the 3rd-5th best player in the NBA) with Lebron and they got NO further than the Cavs EVER did with Lebron. I don't care if it's only been 1 year. The Celtics got a group of 3 guys together and they won it THAT year. So did the Lakers, shit they did it with 2 guys.
I think if I'm you, I would worry a little bit more about my team than you do. The Pistons scouting and drafting are a complete dumpster fire.
Cavs just traded Hickson to Sacramento for Omri Casspi (at least he's better than what we have at the 3) and a protected first round pick. That pick becomes unprotected in 2014 if the Kings miss the playoffs the next two years which they will.
ReplyDeleteSo there is a little relief on the PF logjam. I like Casspi a little. He can shoot.
--$